Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Dying inside
Last night was a bad night. Sex and the City was a trigger for me. He had it on and I asked why he was watching it. It was her favorite show. I had always suspected he had watched it with her as I still have no idea what the hell they did together at her house for hours other than fuck!
Anyway, he got super defensive and started saying how he'll NEVER understand why I bring this shit up. He would be OVER it by now. He wouldn't be thinking about it. Bull shit!
I L-O-V-E how people tell you how you should be feeling and yet they have never been in your shoes!!!! I find that so fucking ironic!
He then totally shut off and said he was going to bed. I asked him why he couldn't reach out to me when I was hurting and he said I don't know and went to bed. How fucking sad!
Is it that hard for you to reach out to me when I'm obviously hurting??
There are honestly days where I don't know if I can do this anymore. My heart is broken. I am disgusted that he was with someone so disgusting!
You know what doesn't make sense to ME???? How could you have an affair?? How could you lie and say you loved me and wanted our marriage so bad yet constantly talk to her and go fuck her?? The day you went there I was texting you all day how much I wanted to be with you when you got home......YOU CHOSE TO GO FUCK HER!!! You made that choice...her over me. THAT I WILL NEVER FUCKING UNDERSTAND EVER AS LONG AS I LIVE!!! How is that for not understanding!!!1
I feel so sorry for you that you can't understand that by me not knowing the full story of your affair since you can't remember, it wasn't really anything, that I have triggers! Why is it so fucking hard to answer the question of what you did together?? We sat on the couch and watched TV, we stared at the walls, we ate, she rubbed her fat ass thighs together when she walked....why can't you tell me???????
I am breaking down emotionally and putting walls up. I no longer feel safe to talk to you about my feelings and my heart that you broke.
I will heal on my own, with or without you because I DESERVE to be happy after all the fucking shit you have put me through!!!
DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT????????????????????
Anyway, he got super defensive and started saying how he'll NEVER understand why I bring this shit up. He would be OVER it by now. He wouldn't be thinking about it. Bull shit!
I L-O-V-E how people tell you how you should be feeling and yet they have never been in your shoes!!!! I find that so fucking ironic!
He then totally shut off and said he was going to bed. I asked him why he couldn't reach out to me when I was hurting and he said I don't know and went to bed. How fucking sad!
Is it that hard for you to reach out to me when I'm obviously hurting??
There are honestly days where I don't know if I can do this anymore. My heart is broken. I am disgusted that he was with someone so disgusting!
You know what doesn't make sense to ME???? How could you have an affair?? How could you lie and say you loved me and wanted our marriage so bad yet constantly talk to her and go fuck her?? The day you went there I was texting you all day how much I wanted to be with you when you got home......YOU CHOSE TO GO FUCK HER!!! You made that choice...her over me. THAT I WILL NEVER FUCKING UNDERSTAND EVER AS LONG AS I LIVE!!! How is that for not understanding!!!1
I feel so sorry for you that you can't understand that by me not knowing the full story of your affair since you can't remember, it wasn't really anything, that I have triggers! Why is it so fucking hard to answer the question of what you did together?? We sat on the couch and watched TV, we stared at the walls, we ate, she rubbed her fat ass thighs together when she walked....why can't you tell me???????
I am breaking down emotionally and putting walls up. I no longer feel safe to talk to you about my feelings and my heart that you broke.
I will heal on my own, with or without you because I DESERVE to be happy after all the fucking shit you have put me through!!!
DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT????????????????????
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