well.....here we are again.
I found a panel hidden in Wayne's car.
It contained papers.......
"30 years old, large breasts, bloomington, phone number"
Amy Ginter
all the information to contact the first two known whores.
CONDOMS
I waited to confront.
Prayed and prayed and prayed.
Went to marriage night at church....asked him for honesty afterwards.
Got defensiveness....got I am sorry.....got I am a changed man.
What does that mean? "I HAVE CHANGED"
Haven't you changed before???
At what I first thought was infidelity.....an affair....met someone, had a connenction....blah blah blah....this is not what I am dealing with.
What I am dealing with is a man who trolls for whores online, chats, while he's working....whenever, whoever, WHATever.
When will this madness end???????
I am torn with my newfound faith in God. I was lost for the past few years wondering why God had forsaken me.....why did he keep letting these bad things happen.
I have found that THE only way I will get through life is with God directly at my side.
That brings me peace.
That brings me comfort.
I do not have a man I can rely on or trust......that is for certain.
Where my life is headed I have no idea......one day at a time....one step at a time.
I never ever thought my life would be where it is...EVER
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
Long time...no see
Well, it's been a long time since I posted....and 2 more affairs.
He decided to get involved with a girl who just turned 18....how fucking sick is that??
That was August of 2008....long story....same ole' shit
Then in November of 2009 he decides to get online with some chick on a Poker website and tell her all about our "horrible" marriage, poor him and then they email and text...he asks her out for lunch.
Why......I have so many whys
Why do I continue to stay in this marriage?
Why did I make such a horrible choice to even marry this man?
Why can't he pull his head out of his ass and be a GOOD man?
There comes a time where you need to simply love YOU more.
Can I say I also have found out about him not working. He would "pretend" he was at work. All the while we have bill collectors calling, falling behind, can't pay taxes....his pathetic ass is sitting in a car watching movies! Can you say LOSER?????
Our kids go without so he can sit on his ass in a parking lot (if that's even true) and watch movies.
That to me is about as fucking pathetic as you can get!
Year after year goes by and here I sit trying to make this marriage work. How STUPID am I?
I have to start taking steps to move on with my life and make sure I can okay. I cannot live like this. I DO NOT DESERVE ALL THE SHIT HE PILES INTO MY LIFE!
Oh, yeah....and he called the cops on me. He threw a back scratcher at me really hard and then continued to get in my face so I slapped him across the face. He then put his hands around my neck and threw me into the bathroom wall choking me and continued to spit in my face over and over. I put my hand on his face and scratched his face as I pushed his face out of mine. He called the cops on me......after all the FUCKING ABUSE he has put me through he's going to call the cops on me! Are you serious???????
Of course when the cops hear the real story they make him leave and give me information for domestic violence.
I FUCKING HATE THAT MY LIFE HAS TURNED INTO A JERRY SPRINGER SHOW!!
it is time to move on
it is time to move on
it is time to move on
it is time to move on
it is time to move on
it is time to move on
it is time to move on
it is time to move on
it is time to move on
it is time to move on
I HATE THAT THIS SELFISH FUCKING BASTARD'S ACTIONS ARE GOING TO AFFECT MY CHILDREN'S LIVES!
He decided to get involved with a girl who just turned 18....how fucking sick is that??
That was August of 2008....long story....same ole' shit
Then in November of 2009 he decides to get online with some chick on a Poker website and tell her all about our "horrible" marriage, poor him and then they email and text...he asks her out for lunch.
Why......I have so many whys
Why do I continue to stay in this marriage?
Why did I make such a horrible choice to even marry this man?
Why can't he pull his head out of his ass and be a GOOD man?
There comes a time where you need to simply love YOU more.
Can I say I also have found out about him not working. He would "pretend" he was at work. All the while we have bill collectors calling, falling behind, can't pay taxes....his pathetic ass is sitting in a car watching movies! Can you say LOSER?????
Our kids go without so he can sit on his ass in a parking lot (if that's even true) and watch movies.
That to me is about as fucking pathetic as you can get!
Year after year goes by and here I sit trying to make this marriage work. How STUPID am I?
I have to start taking steps to move on with my life and make sure I can okay. I cannot live like this. I DO NOT DESERVE ALL THE SHIT HE PILES INTO MY LIFE!
Oh, yeah....and he called the cops on me. He threw a back scratcher at me really hard and then continued to get in my face so I slapped him across the face. He then put his hands around my neck and threw me into the bathroom wall choking me and continued to spit in my face over and over. I put my hand on his face and scratched his face as I pushed his face out of mine. He called the cops on me......after all the FUCKING ABUSE he has put me through he's going to call the cops on me! Are you serious???????
Of course when the cops hear the real story they make him leave and give me information for domestic violence.
I FUCKING HATE THAT MY LIFE HAS TURNED INTO A JERRY SPRINGER SHOW!!
it is time to move on
it is time to move on
it is time to move on
it is time to move on
it is time to move on
it is time to move on
it is time to move on
it is time to move on
it is time to move on
it is time to move on
I HATE THAT THIS SELFISH FUCKING BASTARD'S ACTIONS ARE GOING TO AFFECT MY CHILDREN'S LIVES!
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Dying inside
Last night was a bad night. Sex and the City was a trigger for me. He had it on and I asked why he was watching it. It was her favorite show. I had always suspected he had watched it with her as I still have no idea what the hell they did together at her house for hours other than fuck!
Anyway, he got super defensive and started saying how he'll NEVER understand why I bring this shit up. He would be OVER it by now. He wouldn't be thinking about it. Bull shit!
I L-O-V-E how people tell you how you should be feeling and yet they have never been in your shoes!!!! I find that so fucking ironic!
He then totally shut off and said he was going to bed. I asked him why he couldn't reach out to me when I was hurting and he said I don't know and went to bed. How fucking sad!
Is it that hard for you to reach out to me when I'm obviously hurting??
There are honestly days where I don't know if I can do this anymore. My heart is broken. I am disgusted that he was with someone so disgusting!
You know what doesn't make sense to ME???? How could you have an affair?? How could you lie and say you loved me and wanted our marriage so bad yet constantly talk to her and go fuck her?? The day you went there I was texting you all day how much I wanted to be with you when you got home......YOU CHOSE TO GO FUCK HER!!! You made that choice...her over me. THAT I WILL NEVER FUCKING UNDERSTAND EVER AS LONG AS I LIVE!!! How is that for not understanding!!!1
I feel so sorry for you that you can't understand that by me not knowing the full story of your affair since you can't remember, it wasn't really anything, that I have triggers! Why is it so fucking hard to answer the question of what you did together?? We sat on the couch and watched TV, we stared at the walls, we ate, she rubbed her fat ass thighs together when she walked....why can't you tell me???????
I am breaking down emotionally and putting walls up. I no longer feel safe to talk to you about my feelings and my heart that you broke.
I will heal on my own, with or without you because I DESERVE to be happy after all the fucking shit you have put me through!!!
DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT????????????????????
Anyway, he got super defensive and started saying how he'll NEVER understand why I bring this shit up. He would be OVER it by now. He wouldn't be thinking about it. Bull shit!
I L-O-V-E how people tell you how you should be feeling and yet they have never been in your shoes!!!! I find that so fucking ironic!
He then totally shut off and said he was going to bed. I asked him why he couldn't reach out to me when I was hurting and he said I don't know and went to bed. How fucking sad!
Is it that hard for you to reach out to me when I'm obviously hurting??
There are honestly days where I don't know if I can do this anymore. My heart is broken. I am disgusted that he was with someone so disgusting!
You know what doesn't make sense to ME???? How could you have an affair?? How could you lie and say you loved me and wanted our marriage so bad yet constantly talk to her and go fuck her?? The day you went there I was texting you all day how much I wanted to be with you when you got home......YOU CHOSE TO GO FUCK HER!!! You made that choice...her over me. THAT I WILL NEVER FUCKING UNDERSTAND EVER AS LONG AS I LIVE!!! How is that for not understanding!!!1
I feel so sorry for you that you can't understand that by me not knowing the full story of your affair since you can't remember, it wasn't really anything, that I have triggers! Why is it so fucking hard to answer the question of what you did together?? We sat on the couch and watched TV, we stared at the walls, we ate, she rubbed her fat ass thighs together when she walked....why can't you tell me???????
I am breaking down emotionally and putting walls up. I no longer feel safe to talk to you about my feelings and my heart that you broke.
I will heal on my own, with or without you because I DESERVE to be happy after all the fucking shit you have put me through!!!
DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT????????????????????
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